The Boston Dip by George M Baker

Author:George M Baker [Baker, George M]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2016-09-06T22:00:00+00:00

[Exit, C.

Kids. There, the bwover of the husband’s bwover is excluded from the apartment of the wife of the bwover’s husband—no, that ain’t it, it’s the bwover’s wife’s husband—no, or—( Mulligrub enters, C., and gets behind screen.) Here she comes, lovely as a poppy, because she’s got a rich poppy. That’s good—owiginal, too.

Enter Ida, r.

Ida. Here I am, Mr. Kids, to fulfill my promise.

Kids. Yaas, Miss Ida, like the bounding fawn that—that—weally, I forget what the bounding fawn was doing—O, weally, bounding, of course. That’s very good—isn’t it?—owiginal, too. But where was the bounding fawn bound? that’s the question.

Ida. I wish I could answer your question, but, not being versed in natural history, I am unable to say.

Kids. Weally. Well, never mind the fawn. Listen, O, listen! I’m a miserable wetch, I am.

Ida. Miserable? you?

Kids. Yaas, weally. I’m standing—I’m standing,—where am I standing?—O, on the bwink of a howid pwecipice.

Mulligrub (sticking his head above screen ). Hallo! another brink, another precipice, and—Ida, as I live.

Ida. La, Mr. Kids, what a dangerous position.

Mulligrub (aside ). Kids; then it’s not Dip, that’s certain.

Kids. O, dweadful, dweadful. But you can save me.

Ida. How, Mr. Kids?

Kids. That’s the ideah, Miss Ida; for when a fellah is on the bwink of such a pwecipice, as the pwecipice I am on the bwink of, the best way to save him is to push him ovaw.

Ida. Well, that’s certainly an original idea.

Kids. Yaas, it is an owiginal, idea—mine, too—I found it in my bwain, with the help of the diwectory. When a fellah’s on the bwink of matwimony, of course his safety and his happiness is secured by his being pushed into it. You see my ideah.

Mulligrub (aside ). Deuced clumsy one.

Ida. But how can I help you?

Kids. By pushing me ovaw. Miss Ida, you are bewitching, you are lovely, you are divine, and on my knees I ask you ( falls on his knees L. of Ida ) to give me a push.

Mulligrub (aside ). Confounded jackass.

Ida. But, Mr. Kids, I don’t understand. You’re so—so—( Aside. ) Where can Eva be? (Aloud. ) You say you are on the brink of a precipice.

Kids. Howid, howid; and if you consent to be—

Enter Eva, r.

Eva. Quick, quick, Ida! mother’s fainted.

Ida. You don’t mean it?

Eva. Yes, yes, come quick! What are you waiting for?

Ida. But Mr. Kids is on the brink of a precipice.

Eva. Let him stay there. Come with me. (Drags Eva off, R. )

Mulligrub (aside ). Won’t somebody be kind enough to remove that precipice?

Kids (rising ). Yaas, weally, that owiginal ideah will kill me, I know it will. I must go and bathe my head in Cologne, I must weally. Miss Ida didn’t push well; in fact, I don’t believe she’s fond of pushing fellah’s ovaw, I don’t, weally.

[Exit, C.

Mulligrub (comes from behind screen ). I don’t think that’s Dip—I don’t, weally. Egad! those girls of mine are determined not to be caught by chaff. I wonder if I can say as much for the old lady.

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